Before I Go
by bookwormlady
Summary: Warning! Spoilers for "The Critic in the Cabernet" and "Hero in the Hold!" A one-shot that came to mind after viewing promo pics for "The Critic in the Cabernet."


**A/N: Warning! Spoilers for "The Critic in the Cabernet" and "Hero in the Hold."**

**Ever since I saw the promo photos for "The Critic in the Cabernet" Tuesday my fanfic bunnies begged me to write this. I gave in. I hope it suits you!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the television show "Bones." I have no idea if they intend to do it this way - this is simply how *I* would write it!**

Brennan took a deep breath before going into Booth's hospital room. She wanted to be calm for him. He had so many reasons to be anxious at the moment, she didn't want to add to his concerns.

As she stood there, her hand on the doorknob, she closed her eyes and tried to push away the images from the last 12 hours.

_Booth hallucinating in the interrogation room…Booth seizing in the hallway…the ride in the ambulance, sirens wailing, Booth white and trembling on the stretcher…the tests…the diagnosis…The recommendation of surgery…the risks…_

Brennan opened her eyes. She smoothed the blue scrubs she'd changed into and put a smile on her face. Finally, she opened the door and went in.

Booth was sitting up in bed, his elbows resting on his knees. His clasped hands supported his forehead, and his lips moved.

There was a time she'd have demanded to know what he was doing. A time she'd have observed that he was behaving irrationally, praying to an invisible being that didn't exist.

But she'd learned from him. While Brennan didn't believe, she knew she did. And she cared about him enough to respect that part of him. So she sat down on the edge of the bed, careful to only jostle him enough to let him know she was there.

A minute or so later Booth crossed himself and raised his head. She took in the dark circles under his eyes and the tightness in his smile. "Hey there, Bones."

She stood up and came closer to him. She tried to keep up her smile. "Well, I'm all ready," she said, indicating the scrubs she was wearing.

He nodded. "I can see that. They look good on you," he said, a genuine grin creeping into his face.

She chuckled slightly. Needing to do something, she picked up his hand and began to play with his fingers. "I'm glad you asked me to be with you. It's going to be all right," she said, her eyes on his fingers.

"Bones…Temperance," Booth's voice roughened. "Look at me?"

She looked back at his face. His eyes were suspiciously bright.

Booth cleared his throat. He remembered the question Teddy Parker asked him when they were trapped in the sub. "Bones…you know there's a chance I'm not gonna survive this."

He saw her stiffen. She opened her mouth to protest. "Bones…" he cleared his throat. This brain thing was making it harder to control his emotions, and he felt close to breaking down from everything. "You heard the doctor. There's a 40% chance I'll die on the table."

"I…I did hear that," she said. "But Booth, the doctor doesn't know you. You…you can beat any odds. You can beat this."

"Yeah," he agreed_. Blast, he'd scared her. Not a good move._ "But here's the thing, Bones. You remember Teddy Parker? My spotter?"

"The person you hallucinated on the ship?"

"I didn't – yeah, him," Booth said. "I told you he had a message for that woman in the cemetery, but I didn't tell you what the message was."

She cocked her head. "Booth, I don't understand why you want to talk about this now…"

"Please, just listen," he begged, squeezing her hand. "You see, Teddy died without ever telling Claire that he loved her." He paused and took a deep breath. "Bones, I don't want to make that same mistake."

Her mouth fell open, her blue eyes widening. "Booth –"

"I love you, Bones," he said, the words coming in a rush. "I love you, and I've just kept quiet all this time, because I know you don't believe in love, and you deserve a better man than I can ever be for you, someone who can give to you and not just take –"

"Booth, stop –"

"Please let me finish," he begged. The stupid tears were slipping down his face. "Bones, I'm not asking you to love me. I'm not asking anything different from you. I want you to find someone who isn't damaged goods, someone who can love you and take care of you and –"

"Booth!" she put her fingers on his mouth to silence him. "Don't say anything else."

He dropped his head. _Stupid, stupid Seeley_.

Her fingers were under his chin, lifting his head so he had to look at her. Tears were streaming down her face.

"You are _not_ damaged goods," she said softly. "And you've given me so much. My family. My life. You've taught me how to be a better person, Booth." She took a deep breath and continued, her blue eyes locked on his. "And partner or not, I won't allow you to say such terrible things about the man I love."

"W-what?" Booth looked at her, not daring to believe what he'd just heard. Had she said…? Did she mean…?

She leaned closer. He felt her breath against his face. Booth closed his eyes as their lips touched.

It wasn't the same as the mistletoe kiss last year. It wasn't a passionate, rip-each-others-clothes-off earthquake of a kiss. It was sweet, gentle, and promised so much.

When she pulled back, Booth gazed deeply into her eyes. He wanted to fall in them, get lost in that calm peaceful blueness. If he did, he thought nothing bad could happen to him.

"When this is over," Bones said, a hand on his cheek, "we will address this further. And we _will_ be able to do that, because you are going to have the surgery and everything will be fine."

He put a hand over hers. "I'm praying for that Bones. But how do you know it will be like that?"

"Because," she said, pulling his hand to her lips, "I have faith in you."

The door opened and a nurse stuck her head in. "Agent Booth? It's time."

Booth took a deep breath and lay back. Bone adjusted her face mask with one hand, the other still clasping his.

"Okay," he said, gazing deep into the eyes of the woman he loved, "I'm ready."

**So? Good? Bad? Indifferent?**


End file.
